I love the look of winter. The crisp autumn leaves gliding to the floor, the misty mornings blanketing the fields, the crystallised dew drops glistening in the subdued sunshine. But winter is also a time of death. Death of plants, of the warmth and of my motivation.
It’s becoming more and more apparent to me that I struggle in the winter time. I enjoy winter for it’s fluffy socks, cosy jumpers and hygge style nights under a blanket with a warm tea, but the reality of winter, the need to function as before – that’s a lot more difficult.
I cannot get out of bed, my duvet like a cuddly demon that’s telling me to stay with him. To sack off the real world and spend my days intertwined in he’s embrace.
I find excuses. Excuses to let people down and go straight home. For what reason? There is none, except that I am exhausted. The winter drains me. Causes me to seek shelter in my safe place, my home.
I over indulge. A hug from the outside not being enough. Carb heavy hugs from the inside are what I desire. A subtle food coma on the sofa, that sleepy happy daze. Followed by the regret of consuming too much, the self loathing and body shaming that the winter body brings.
The darkness rolls in, never seeing the light. Leaving home and returning to the same dull shade of sky. Pining for the weekends when you get that glimmer of sunshine.
And then comes the rain or the snow, like a cold sharp slap to the skin. Leaving clothes soggy, toes frosted and a sense of dread.
Not everyone feels like this. There are those among us who live for the winter and I try to be like them but the reality is, like the leaves on the trees, a part of me disappears in winter and I look to spring for that part to be reborn.
SAD is a very real thing for a lot of people. Mild, moderate or extreme, it’s all totally valid. If any of this resonates with you i urge you to take some time this winter to focus on self care. Be kind to yourself always.
Peace and love xoxo